isn't she lovely?

Image: Victor Habbick

i grew up as a military brat. (which, just as a side note, is such an unfair title. children of parents who serve get shuffled from one place to the next, having to make new friends and continually re-adjust. we usually have to live for several months at a time without the parent who is serving. and many of us still become well-adjusted adults. so, we're not really brats at all. we're quite well rounded and versatile. but i digress.) i moved around every two to three years. i have probably attended nearly 15 schools as a result.

however, when i started high school, my dad retired and our family settled in the dallas/fort worth area. my younger sister was in fourth grade. i remember her coming home from school one day and telling my parents that a clique of caucasian girls told her she "would be cool if she was only the right color. how old are you in fourth grade? 10 at the most. it was sad. any form of racism is sad. and sadly, many children learn it at home then bring it to school, where the disease festers.

(subsequently, when i started to drive and made a rookie driving mistake, a red neck leaned out of his truck window and called me nigger. i think he had a gun rack in the back, but i might be dramatizing a bit. it was the first time the word had been spewed at me.)

fast forward to 2012. the more things change; the more they stay the same. i was spending some time with my five year old niece (yes, five) and she began to tell me about her day at pre-school. she mentioned that one of the boys at school is not very nice. then a few moments later she asks me, "melyssa, what does mexican mean anyway?" after posing some careful questions, i realized that her classmate had been calling people out based on color. because my niece's birthday falls in november, she is older than most of her classmates. most of the other children are four. it's sad to think this is what they are talking about at four and five years old.

so, anyway, i explained to her that people who are from mexico are called mexicans. i explained further, "your heritage is from africa and their heritage is from mexico." and she just looked at me with those innocent brown eyes and said, "well, i thought i was from texas?" to which i replied, "you are."

and you know, that should be enough. it should be enough at 55, 35 and most certainly at five in pre-k.

Image Credit: Rizzuti

i will be the first to admit i am not perfect. while i try to live an honorable life - doing what is right, serving as a role model. there are times when i do falter.

i kind of checked out of life the past few days. why? because sometimes i am my own worst enemy. what have i been doing? attending a pity party. every year as my birthday approaches i begin to think about what i have not accomplished in my life. even though i've vowed to live a life with little-to-no goals, i still fall into the old pattern of checking things off my proverbial list and becoming discouraged when i don't count enough check marks. i am still unmarried. i am still childless. i still don't make six figures.

but that's really focusing on the negative, and it's not productive. there are a lot of things i have accomplished in my short life. i survived the ultimate dumping, and became a stronger woman for it. i've been an influence in the lives of many growing children and young adults. i have a stable job that provides all my needs and a lot of my wants. and i live in a country that allows me to freely worship my lord and savior. my life isn't bad. actually it's quite good. it is my party, and i can cry if want to. but i won't. instead i'm going to be thankful for the many blessings in my life.

and how does that saying go? today is a gift; that's why they call it the present.

updated my diggs! how ya like? :-) new post to come soon.

Image credit: digitalart

earlier this year i began dating someone who was a seemingly nice guy. we got along. we did fun things together. there was an element of romance. in late march he supposedly went on a cruise with his 12-year old son. throughout the entire trip he whispered sweet nothings to me via text message and telephone. then, he got back into town and within a matter of hours he decided to end the relationship without telling me. for days i worried that something horrible had happened to him to later learn that he just didn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

those who are close to me know that i have not been lucky in love my entire dating life. having dysfunctional, abnormal relationships have become the norm for me. but this one tops the cake. i don't know what happened or what went wrong because mr. wrong had no more to say for himself other than he wanted to end the relationship. am i sad? yes. am i confused? heck yes. am i disappointed? yes. have i sworn off men for life? no. he is a poor, misguided soul and i pray that he learns the error of his ways before hurting someone else.

i'm pretty much taking this all in stride because of the wonderful support and prayers of family and friends. (you know who you are, thank you!) plus, i've had some practice with situations like this. i am a little bruised, but not broken. i am moving on because the show goes on.

and if anyone sees mr. wrong around town, please tell him he might have temporarily put a damper on my happiness, but he didn't steal my joy. it wasn't his to give in the first place.

Image credit: Vlado

i was all set to write a post about earning my abc (accredited business communicator), but then the story of 17-year old trayvon martin became a leading story in the news and in my life. i began to ponder, what does all the hard work matter if we can be chased down and killed and no one has to answer for it? i immediately became engrossed.

let me back up.

about two weeks ago i was stopped in irving because i looked suspicious driving the lexus i own and drive daily in dfw. the police officer pulled me over for allegedly not signaling as i changed lanes (i am pretty sure i did, but even if i didn't, no one gives tickets for that in dfw). once stopped he proceeded to question me about where i was going (home), who i was following (no one) and if my name was really melyssa (yes, that is my legal name on my birth certificate and everything). once i showed him my credentials he let me go with a simple, "drive safe!"

then the story of poor trayvon martin. while many are debating whether it's a black story, white story or something different. to me it's personal, and it's a story i know all too well. driving while black. shopping while black. living in a "good" neighborhood while black. walking while black. it's a story we, as a society, shouldn't be telling in 2012. i'm angry and i'm tired. i'm tired of black people being accosted just because someone else thinks we are driving a car we shouldn't; shopping in a store that we couldn't possibly afford or traveling in a neighborhood where we don't belong. we need new stories. we are here - to stay. we are not going back to africa. so, let's just stop with the stereotypes, prejudices and racism and really, let's just all get along, already!

several years ago, when my male cousin was in high school he was stopped with a group of black friends while walking in the neighborhood where my aunt and uncle, at that time had, owned their home for more than five years. this male cousin is the child of two parents who have both earned doctorate degrees. his brother served in the military that protects the freedoms we all should enjoy daily. today, my cousin lives in washington d.c. he works for the federal government and travels all around the world. he has been granted a master's degree and earned a bachelor's degree. he's an upstanding citizen - always has been. he didn't look suspicious in high school. he looked black.

enough is enough. apparently, no matter how many strides a group of people make as a collective, they will still be judged by the worst in the group. but it happens far too often in the black community. tomorrow trayvon's parents are going to wake up without their son. and the next day and the day after that. we must not go gentle into the good night. we must stand up for justice. we must stand up for what is right. we must do it now because injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

we have miles to go before we sleep.

join the cause: #justicefortrayvonmartin

when i was younger, my fingers, arms and legs were long. for those who know me now, i know this is difficult to believe. i was skinny, slender. my mom used to comment, melyssa is going to look like whitney houston when she grows up. well, i grew up, but i don't look anything like whitney. she was beautiful. i filled out and stopped growing up. she became extraordinary; i remain ordinary. our lives vastly different, but us both struggling as professional women in our respective industries.

i don't condone drug use nor do i make excuses for it. but life is hard. and we all find ways, sometimes unhealthy, to cope. the lives our mothers hope for us change. i am sure cissy houston wished for a healthy daughter with a joy-filled life. i know my mom hoped for marital bliss and children for me, but i did not attain that (yet). i look at my friends from high school who have lost loved ones too soon, struggle with weight, careers and life in general. our mothers (and fathers) probably hoped for different paths.

but we cannot live in the past. we must press forward and use it for a better future. we must make the best of the life we've been given. in every struggle, there are hidden blessings. and my prayer is that all those close to me seek the light because one spark of light cancels the darkness.

be strong, friends. you do have much to live for!

back in 2004 i posted 50 things about myself. then, i updated it in 2007. and again in 2008. life is constant change, so here goes my 2012 grant.

1. i'm still a christian; now i'm focused on a deeper growth in Christ

2. i'm 32, but i think i could pass for 26 ;-)

3. i'm african-american

4. i enjoy writing again

5. i help market and promote a garden center for a living

6. after months of hard work, i am finally an accredited business communicator (abc)

7. i'm content with a life that is not based on goals

8. i have only one sibling - a younger sister

9. i have only one niece - and she spells her name with a y too

10. my grandfather knew little richard before he was little richard

11. i've lived in germany on two separate occasions

12. i've visited the leaning tower of pisa

13. i've visited euro disney

14. i've visited disney world three times

15. i have been on a roller coaster once, and i think i waited too late in life to try it

16. i have arthritis

17. i wear contacts

18. i've never worn braces

19. i have tmj that was triggered by a chiropractor's visit

20. i don't believe in chiropractors

21. i've overcome the fear of desertion and enjoy quiet times with my own thoughts

22. the only times i've been to las vegas are for work-related events

23. i wear a little more make-up now; i need the enhancement

24. i really enjoy cooking with organic herbs and spices

25. i like to write and edit resumes ... the side gig is good - all referral based

26. i like to sing out loud now - as you get older you start to care less about what people think

27. i have a pomeranian; although she's showing a lot more gray now

28. i recently learned that books on an ereader are pretty cool

29. i believe most people are prejudiced (not racist)

30. according to myers-briggs, i am an ENFJ

31. i buy out of necessity rather than desire

32. i love salsa, mushrooms and spinach (sometimes individually and sometimes wrapped up in a tortilla together)

33. i love ice cream

34. my favorite color is pink

35. i'm not crafty

36. but i am creative

37. my high school and college are less than 5 miles apart from one another

38. i make my check marks backwards

39. i tend to overanalyze things

40. i like dramas, comedies and love stories

41. i like to play card games

42. my all-time favorite movie is the green mile with michael clark duncan and tom hanks

43. i believe communication solves most problems

44. i tend to over communicate

45. during birth i caused my mother's leg to become paralyzed temporarily

46. in elementary school, my teachers wanted me to skip a grade, but my mom refused to allow it

47. i have a master's degree

48. i love the warm weather, which is why i live in texas

49. i've learned that people always disappoint, but God is forever constant

50. my new life motto is: make no plans

nearly five years ago, a major event occurred in my life, those who are close to me know what event i'm referring to, after which i threw myself into my career. i joined professional associations. i took continuing education courses, viewed webinars and networked like crazy. i was busy. and i was crazy. and then i realized - what i do for work is not who i am.

Image: scottchan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

the company i currently work for falls under the horticulture industry. in addition to selling gardening products, we educate the public on gardening efforts. one tip we share in texas this time of year is that it's best to plant trees in the fall and winter season so the roots have a chance to take hold during a period of dormancy when the ground is not as warm (although 2012 is shaping up to be an anomaly with respect to the "winter" temperatures).

five years ago, i was growing like rapid fire. i was warm, heck, i was hot. my goal was to be the go-to pr girl in dfw. and  then i just decided to stop. i wasn't happy. i was busily filling my days with things that didn't result in internal joy. i refocused on what was really important - developing meaningful relationships with other people and God. so, i slowed down. i went dormant. i cooled off. this was essential so my roots could take hold and i could grow in Christ. this is still a work in progress for me.

it's not that i don't find value in professional associations, education, networking and the like. it's just not as important for me anymore. i don't have to be melyssa aka the go-to pr girl. i am just fine being melyssa, the daughter; melyssa, the sister; melyssa, the aunt; and melyssa, the friend.

to be honest, i like her a lot better than melyssa, the pr professional.

as i move into 2012, i am reflecting on some things that made me happy this past year. i know happiness is temporary, but 2011 brought some fun times!

Singer, John Legend; me Image Credit: UT-Arlington Photography

1. meeting john legend
2. the mavs winning the championship
3. spending time in ft. lauderdale with true friends
4. my niece's 5th birthday party
5. floor seats at the aac and an awesome mavs' win!

here's to more happy moments in 2012!

the last day of 2011. what a year it has been. i can't say it's been my worst year at all. actually, a person who was once close to me said his years kept getting better and better. the 20s better than the teens, the 30s better than the 20s and so on. now, i've had some set backs, but overall my years keep positively progressing. in that spirit, i have created 5 resolutions or as i like to call them life changers as resolutions tend to last no longer than the season. so, here they are ....