i have a confession to make. over the past two months, i have been disobedient to God and dishonest with myself. in the midst of extreme loneliness, i chose to entertain a friendship with someone who was, not only unequally yoked with me, but we weren't even on the same plow.
let me back up.
at the beginning of this year, while many of us were all making new year's resolutions, i was making an ultimate turnaround-life plan for myself. i accepted the one-year guarantee at my church. (the guarantee: come, commit, contribute, and connect for one year and God will radically change your life.) i started (and am still in the midst) the one-year bible reading plan. i aspired to grow closer to God with each passing day. it was (and still is) a solid plan with good intentions.
but i am human. and plan as i might, my human nature caused me to fail. i have been single for nearly a decade now, and i so badly want to be in a committed relationship (which is probably why i don't need to be in one at this moment, but i digress). so, i entertained a relationship with a nice, courteous man who is not a godly man. he is a considerate person who called when he said he would and remembered things we'd previously discussed. he opened doors. he asked how my day went. and even "supported my beliefs and church attendance." but what i learned was this is not what a christian relationship looks like. it has some of the same traits, and i think that's what got me off track.
while i very much want to be in a relationship, i now know i need a Christ-centered relationship. i need a man who will not only be nice and considerate but love me as Christ loves the church. a man who loves me in this manner will not only do nice things and remember anecdotes, but he will respect me. he will protect me. he will have no issues providing for me (note: when i say provide, the emphasis is not on finances, but it has more to do with providing care and concern in the areas where i am deficient.) and he will have no problem professing his love for the Lord and for me. to do these things he needs to be in church and he needs to know Christ or at the very least have a desire to do both. otherwise, he's going to come up empty for me every single time. and i am going to feel angst every single time. i need someone who will not only support my beliefs but also have faith in those things that are not seen ... with me. i need someone who will not only tell me to have a blessed time at church, but to come to church .... with me and engage in the service and fellowship ... with me. i need someone who will not hope for the best for me and our relationship, but pray and seek the Lord ... with me ... daily.
do i think that people who are un-churched or non-believers are bad people? no. it is my belief that being bad or good will not keep you out of or get you into heaven. however, everyone who is in any type of relationship (romantic, platonic, familial) has certain needs that must be met. and i know better know what i need. so, i got off track, but praise God i wasn't derailed. and as a result, i know more about myself and my needs. i need a companion, a confidant, a Christ-driven and Christ-led mate. this is a comprehensive list. and i don't think the list is overwhelming. i'm praying (and have faith) that God will meet those needs in a mate for me. it just may not been on the timeline i had planned for myself. and His timing is always so much better, anyway.
in the meanwhile, i will continue to pray for those who are un-saved and non-believing, hoping that one day they come to know the good, good father i know. If they could just taste and see...